Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Doubt? Fear? Got that.

It's been 2 weeks since the procedure and I've been diligently doing my stretches, eating gluten free and taking my plethora of nutritional supplement to build up my nutrient levels. Although I see improvements, I find it so easy to doubt that I'm not regaining my abilities fast enough. But what does that mean, "fast enough"? I know that it took a number of years to get to the state that I was in and it will take time and effort to get to where I intend to what's my concern? Honestly...I think it is fear that others who see me might not notice the new abilities as much as the lingering disabilities. CRAZY, I know...but that's where my brain goes. At the same time, this is extremely motivating and has me continue to push forward. I just need to continue to remind myself how far I've already come. (I highly recommend doing a before video of yourself if you plan on doing this procedure, as a reminder to yourself)

I also still have fear that things might slip back to how they were. I find I test myself continuously to make sure I can still do the "new" stuff I could do last week. The other day, I went for a walk and when I got home my muscles were exhausted and I was struggling to walk without effort. My heart sank into my stomach as I feared that maybe it didn't work or it's not going to get any better. I sat down and rested for 10 - 15 minutes and suddenly, I was feeling better! I was not exhausted and my muscles were working again. (Not the case in the past as a short walk of 1 KM would wipe me out for the afternoon).

I'm reminded of something Wayne Dyer once said...that I'm totally going to mis-quote but you'll get the idea.

If you plant a garden, you know that the seeds you planted will grow. You don't go outside every morning to dig them up to check that they are still planted. You just wait knowing the plant will appear in a few days or weeks. Our bodies are the same, once you're doing a treatment, know that it worked. Don't test it continuously looking for evidence. Know that it's already healed energetically and your body just needs time to catch up and show physically what is already energetically healed.

So...what's up with me?
As I said before, I have been doing my stretches daily but I'm finding some of my muscles are VERY sore. I booked some one on one sessions with a Pilates instructor to start 1 month from now. I know I need to start off slowly so as to not cause more problems, so I'll just work on stretches on my own for now. Travis, my Pilates instructor, uses a reformer (Pilates equipment to support safe and correct body movements) and is experienced in rehabilitation practices. I've worked with Travis before and he is very good at what he does. If you're in Calgary and looking for such a trainer, he can be found on the web. Pure Pilates I've also been to see my chiropractor and have set up appointment to work with him to ensure the alignment of my neck and spine. He too works with a lot of people who have MS and is very informed about the CCSVI procedure. Dr. Matovich can be found on the web at Natural Way Chiropractics. His technique is very gentle and not the crack and pop method I've always feared. (Although, he tells me that is safe too, I prefer the alternative)


  1. You need an ANT killer in that garden!...(automatic negative thoughts). Whenever you have those thoughts, write it down and ask "Is that true?" of whatever those thoughts are. I know you know the drill but see this as an opportunity to suggest that and share it here. "Is that true, really really?" You'll inevitably say 'no, gee whiz, look where I was'. Again, thanks for sharing and by the way, I too prefer the gentler technique of chiropractic care and feel in my body that it responds well to it also. Oh, and hey, sidebar, this is the season to plant tulip bulbs and feed the lawn winter fertilizer...speaking of gardens! :D

  2. Hey Holly, (Kelly Madsen here) Not sure if you remember Beata Sozanksa, she worked at Bell too... but probably after you and in I.T. - so probably not, anyway she has started her own business... you may be interested in some of what she offers..., if you do contact her tell her I recommended you as she only wants friends and family of friends and family clients right now.

  3. Thanks Kelly. I checked out her website and it looks amazing! :O)

  4. Love you Holly. Remember you are just human like the rest of us. I think you are just going through a very normal process that we all do when we push our selves to do new things. Hang in there, remember Rome wasn't built in a day.
    Auntie Maxine

  5. That's because I was not coordinating the building process Maxine. hahaha just kidding. I hear you and that you all for your support.